Food and Gratitude

I learned an important lesson for my Child and Child Self. While I feed myself and my children good, delicious, and healthy foods, I try to do so without judgment and guilt.

All food can be a “treat” if we celebrate and appreciate what we eat. When we are self-critical, anxious, guilty, or self-righteous about eating, our Child and Child Self become disconnected from the most fundamental human need—food. Many of us grew up with difficult and confusing messages about food, and as adults we have developed complex relationships with it. 

My mother used to say that I had to eat everything on my plate because “people are starving in China.” What she really meant, but could not talk about, was the hunger she experienced as a child because her parents were poor and often did not have enough food for the family. The trauma of food insecurity can be transmitted through the generations.  

Instead of appreciating our food I over-ate and at the same time, felt guilty for what I was blessed with. I literally imagined starving people and felt powerless to do anything about it. Using guilt to teach an appreciation for food tends to backfire, and can lead to feelings of hopelessness, helplessness, and even cynicism toward folks who are experiencing hunger and poverty. When we remove this complex of messages from our experiences with food our Child Self and our Child are less likely to fall victim to the tragedy of eating disorders. 

One day I was picking up a pack of thin rice cakes in the grocery store and a woman next to me was reading the nutritional information on packages to decide which ones to buy. She asked me why I liked the thin rice cakes and which ones have the fewest calories. Without meaning to, I reacted with arrogance and insensitivity saying, “I don’t look at calories I just eat what I want, I’m sorry I don’t know.” I hadn’t intended to make a statement against weight loss or watching calories, but I knew I had been judgmental and self-righteous and that I had come across that way. I ran after her to apologize. I learned an important lesson for my Child and Child Self. While I feed myself and my children good, delicious, and healthy foods, I try to do so without judgment and guilt. 

In a society preoccupied with body image, many of our children grow up feeling watched and judged about the way they eat and what they eat. This is my recommendation: Feed your children without glancing over your shoulder to see what and how much they are eating and without trying to protect them from eating too much or too little, eating junk, or getting fat or too skinny. If we don’t refrain from these overly watchful, stressed, and judgmental behaviors, we unwittingly reinforce the notion that eating for nourishment is somehow a potential danger to their bodies. 

Instead, celebrate all the food you and your children eat. Try to release worry. Focus on where their food came from, where it grew, how long it took to grow, and who put in the effort to grow and tend to it. Notice how delicious it is, how it was prepared, how simple or complex it is, and how it will nourish their bodies, but not as it relates to body image. This is particularly important for the Child Self. Give gratitude for it all. This makes all food become the delectable, sustaining gift it is meant to be. And then you can put treats in their proper place, one small item amongst the many creative options humans have developed, starting with what nature has already provided.  

It’s important not to suggest that food is here only to improve us or to make us into something other than what we are, implying that we and our children are not good enough as we are. In our commercial society we have been duped into feeding ourselves eating almost exclusively for self-improvement, or to indulge ourselves regardless of what is good for us. 

If your Child or Child Self wants too much, feels guilty about the amount on the plate, or not finishing everything, try giving smaller portions. 

What we need to teach is gratitude, which may be as simple as a prayer, a statement, or expression of gratitude before eating without a focus on others’ suffering.

Again, here is a sample expression of gratitude that recognizes nature and humankind that can be modified for your own faith tradition:

“Take a moment, try to imagine all the places this food was before it came to our table. Think about all the work it took nature to create it, and all the work from the hands of humans to get it here. We are grateful for that, we say thank you, and may everyone everywhere eat as well as we do, and may everyone have enough.”