Affirming

As the affirmer, we practice the consciousness necessary to believe what we are saying.  We forge a path of healing—for ourselves and children—from the wounds of feeling judged, invisible, and rejected. It is never too late to begin a practice of affirmation. 

Affirming 

Every day, every morning, every evening, whenever possible, communicate to your Child and to your Child Self in your own words and in your own way, “I am glad you are here”. Try these words out loud or internally:

“My day begins with you and ends with you and I am glad you are here, just as you are.” 

Affirm to your Child and Child Self, 

“You do not owe me or anyone else anything for being here or for this affirmation of your existence.” 

When I was a teacher and then a school director, I understood what it meant to have a “difficult” child in my class. The one who made the day harder for everyone. The one who was “off”, did not engage or engaged too much, the one who you could not help but utter a sigh in relief when they were absent. 

I knew that this child was absorbing these same reactions from the other adults in their life. I consciously began to affirm that child with a heartfelt, simple, “I’m glad you are here.” I taught other teachers to affirm that “difficult” child’s existence every morning and throughout the day. This small step had a significant impact—it changed how the child felt about themself and then behaved in the classroom. And it changed the teachers’ attitude about the child. 

There are concrete practical things that happen when we affirm the Child and the Child Self. We give ourselves and children the ability to step away from the responsibility of having to be a “something” or of pleasing a “someone” to be deserving of an existence. With unencumbered affirmation, we create space: the capacity of our lungs increases and the will has more room to figure out what it wants and needs. We allow the Child and Child Self to develop confidence.  

As the affirmer, we practice the consciousness necessary to believe what we are saying.  We forge a path of healing—for ourselves and children—from the wounds of feeling judged, invisible, and rejected. It is never too late to begin a practice of affirmation. 

When I was in my early teens, I would often seek refuge in the third-floor attic in my parents’ home. There I stood by the window watching a tall pine tree flit and shiver in the wind. It grew tall but was otherwise constrained by the house next door pressing in close. I felt that same constraint.

Our large home was designed for spaciousness. For me, spaciousness was an illusion. My parents saw me as a clumsy and overly emotional kid. They communicated to me, often unconsciously, that I was not “right”, that I was “too much”, and that I was not “good enough” as I was. There were few unencumbered affirmations until later in life. No one told me that I had the right, power, and ability to think differently about myself, so their stories about me became my story. 

I would watch the pine’s branches snapping in the wind and give myself over to the question we both shared, “what am I doing here in this narrow place?” I would have climbed higher still to find a place of affirmation. Somehow, I figured out that I could climb those third-floor steps to watch that pine in that narrow space, growing taller and taller and find affirmation of my own existence. 

Years later, while working with a 12-year-old client, I found a little wooden craft box decorated with a Peter Max version of the word LOVE. I used it with my client as a place to hold affirmations written on small pieces of paper, some I wrote for her, some she wrote for herself.  She learned to use that box to affirm her own existence. Our Child and Child Self deserve nothing less. Miraculously, in 2022, the now young woman wrote me to invite me to her workshop called “The Power of Affirmations”.