Doing

Teach your Child and your Child Self to honor the empty spaces, create them, and make them worthy of creating. 

Doing

I Didn’t Do Enough Today

I woke up

fed the pets

walked them

ate

cleaned up

journaled

talked to sage

texted

emailed 

organized.

Went to my studio.

Saw a client,

started a new painting, 

went to an art show

finished a painting, 

entertained 12 people,

drank tons of water,

peed several times

gathered files for tomorrow,

went to an online class.

After dinner I thought

the day is not over and I have definitely not done enough today. 

What would happen

if the empty spaces I imagine I would have 

if I did less

would actually show up?

where would “I” go

what vortex would I be sucked into

when would I see myself again

I would certainly dissipate

grow unlovable

I’d be less than

I’d get lost 

what would happen if I faced 

my exhaustion

and my greed 

the plethora of notions, ideas, projects, impressions, goals, responsibilities, 

I think I want them all 

But maybe I just 

don’t want empty space

room to let in approval 

or disapproval.

As a child, and even now

when I fill it all up

with doing

I am safe

I don’t get subjected to 

reflection or judgment

of being a “not doing enough-er” 

what will happen to my body

if the voice of “not enough” 

continues to burn me

like a candle at both ends

I love my doing

I just don’t love what it is doing to me. 

My daughter was stuck at home her second semester of her senior year of college because of Covid. All her hopes, dreams, and plans for ending college simply dissolved. What she said to me and my husband as she retired to her room was this: “I am not like you and Dad, I don’t want to “do” all the time, I need to rest, I need you to let me rest.” 

What a wakeup call! I had been struggling with my own over-doing and her response to us was   the perfect mirror. I had taught her it was ok to not overdo even though I didn’t practice what I preached.  She absorbed the message anyway and showed us how to actually live it. 

Societal expectations make this challenging. Too many of us were raised by parents who believed that pushing children to do more and excel at the right things would enable them to compete and be successful in the adult world. It would keep them safe. We may be raising our children this way without even realizing it. Society places a high value on doing more, creating more, on growth, not rest.

The Child and the Child Self do not want to prove their worthiness to parents by excelling, reaching for perfection, and “doing” all the time. Each of us needs to learn to value rest and space. 

Teach your Child and your Child Self to honor the empty spaces, create them, and make them worthy of creating, and be honest:

To your Child you might say:

“It’s too much to be busy all the time. You and your body, your mind, and your heart need rest. Let’s learn together that “doing” more is not better. Let’s go look at the wind moving the trees. You don’t have to finish everything you start. You can just be. If you have too much homework, I will talk to your teachers.”   

To your Child Self:

“Hey little one, no one let you stop, you were valued for your “doing.” We were taught that if you don’t “do,” you will die. That's enough! Let’s not carry this belief anymore. So, to you I say, rest, do nothing, it's ok. And, even if we wind up not perfect at resting, that’s ok too.”