Imagination

To serve the Child and the Child Self, we need to look closely at the role imagination plays in our adult lives. How does our culture view imagination? From our media, we get the message that imagination only has value if it results in something tangible, a product.  

When I was a young girl in grade school, my imagination was a source of great comfort to me. In that world I could be powerful, brave, and beautiful. In that world I did not care about acceptance or even accomplishment. I simply wanted to feel the air flow through my hair as I imagined myself a great winged horse, whirling past playground bullies and cliques and feeling my wings lift me up over everything.  

At an early age, and we are not sure how early, the Child begins to expand reality with the imagination. To take what is and to alter it. We need to support the Child as they begin to experience this. Imagine a parent cooking an egg on the stove for breakfast. Seeing this, the Child grabs a plastic egg from the play kitchen and flies it through the air into the mouth of a stuffed tiger. A parent can simply respond by asking this question: “Wow, do you imagine/pretend that the tiger will eat those eggs?”

And, of course, a good option is to say nothing, to stay out of it completely. When we include ourselves, we can run the risk of interrupting the Child’s imagination, as it is doing its work to serve the Child’s needs. And these are needs we probably cannot interpret with certainty. The imagination of the young child is after all in their world, of their making, perhaps even a private world.  

Boy Interrupted

He pushed the toy corvette 

across the floor

and until

we interrupted him

he was calm.

A boy 

interrupted

whirled around the room

screaming

“leave me alone.” 

When children share their imaginations with each other, it’s the first bridge to social interactions that are not centered around adults. It’s a place where the Child learns to navigate social rules. It is also where children learn that they are different from others and see how others react to their differences. The Child needs support to integrate these lessons. It’s important for parents to observe from a careful distance for the way in which this socialization is played out. We only intercede if there is distress, or an obvious harmful interaction.

This is also a time when the Child Self can be triggered. The Child Self may be the one who needs help, not the Child you are raising. This triggering may cause the Adult to intercede in imaginative play of their Child where they are not needed.  This can play out in their adult interactions as well. 

Taking care of the Child Self will usually provide an answer. 

“Little One, I think when you shared your ideas you wanted your friend to listen but maybe your friend didn’t. That was hurtful. I will listen to your ideas. I will stand up for you.”

There are many theories about imagination and how to foster its development. Most of them are adult-centric, that is, adults believing it is up to them to decide which objects or settings to make available for imaginative play. As adults we also give children objects that predetermine what should be imagined with them. For instance, giving a child a broom with a play horse head on it tells the child to pretend it’s a horse. Children will use brooms as brooms, something they are very drawn to in order to mirror and master the adult world around them. They might imagine themselves riding those brooms off into the sunset, but only if they are so inclined. Look at the isles of toys in a retail store, boys are still seen as needing monsters and heroes and battles to imagine with.  Girls are offered family themed toys and cosmetics. This is a reflection of a cultural introjection on behalf of profit and adults go along with this when they don’t provide opportunities for non-gender specific play. 

There is a point at which we must leave the Child alone with their imagination, free of adult direction or influence. We are called upon to separate our investment in their imaginations from our investment in ourselves, living vicariously through them and imposing adult values on them.

When imagining with the Child, it is essential that the Adult remain the Adult. Of course, it’s not always easy to discern how to do that—the line can be subtle with thin and shifting boundaries. We can join in play as long as we don’t remain in character past the boundary of safety, use the Child for our own play needs, or let the Child control us beyond what is emotionally safe. 

This kind of interactive play can look something like this: 

A six-year-old tells his father, “You have to eat this thing for real,” to which the father replies “I am going to eat it, that’s a great idea, and I am going to eat it for pretend, and I am going to eat it like this.”  The father then pretends to gobble up the item like a ravenous goblin.

To serve the Child and the Child Self, we need to look closely at the role imagination plays in our adult lives. How does our culture view imagination? From our media, we get the message that imagination only has value if it results in something tangible, a product.  Even the value of art is determined by how much it is worth monetarily. We can be told to only value the expression of creative genius in the world of products and services. 

When adults engage in imagination for imagination’s sake, we are met with questions like: “What is this for?” or “What’s the point, isn’t it just a waste of time?”  This is where our Child Self can guide the Adult Self. The Child Self wants to freely imagine and play with no limits, precisely because of the controls imposed on imagination when we were children. If we allow our Adult Selves to follow that desire, we can be in relationship to our own creative selves. Supporting and honoring the needs of the Child Self can free the imagination and creativity of the Adult Self, bring joy, expression and reduce stress in our lives. If we are raising a Child it will then be easier for us to allow their play and imagination to flow freely.  

As we live our adult lives, the expression of imagination has its appropriate places but for your Child or Child Self it desires to be included in every place.  

©D'vorah Horn 2025. We invite you to share this work, but please do not copy any portion without attribution to D'vorah Horn.