Loneliness

Your Adult Self and your Child Self may be lonely, but the Child you are raising may just be alone, they may prefer it, and not suffer from it. 

All humans experience loneliness. I believe it is because we unconsciously miss the connection to the cosmic harmony we experienced before we were born, a memory of Wholeness, or Oneness. Carol Anthony and Hanna Moog in The Cosmic Way I-Ching share that:

“In order to know what feels harmonious, every person possesses a cosmic memory of what cosmic harmony feels like. This memory is located in every body cell.” 

Whenever we separate from our Selves (with a capital S according to Carl Jung), we become lonely, often looking to human connection to fill that place. We separate because we have injuries, complexes, confusion, and experiences which drive us away from our True Self. When we work on being conscious with the Child we are raising and the Child Self, we are tending to the loneliness that arises from those issues and experiences.

When the Child you are raising is lonely, they need to know that you are the one who doesn’t judge them, who includes them, stands in front of them, partners with them, and leads the way. This requires listening and observing. Clearly and consistently expressing that you stand with them, even when you don’t know what they’re experiencing can build the security they need to feel “not alone.” 

It might sound like this:

“I am always happy to see you, to be with you. I am always here, wondering about you, thinking about what you need and want. That is what makes me here for you, you are in my mind and heart.” 

Children can express their loneliness in many ways. They can become silent (but not at peace), they can be teary and clingy, they can act like a clown, or they can be defiant. There may be a concrete reason for their behaviors and feelings: a friend moved away, a sibling was not there when needed, or a parent was not in the house. It can also be the longing to be part of a culture that says we are not included.  We join groups to have sense of belonging, sometimes even when the groups seek to tightly control us and inhibit our individuality. Belonging means not being alone. 

The Child Self has experienced this loneliness and the Adult Self needs to step in as the necessary companion. Teaching the Child Self and Child you are raising how to be their own best friend is the goal. You need to use more than words to teach this. You have to act as your own best friend in front of your child, pointing out how you take care of yourself and treating yourself as a buddy would. This means, for example, being self-supportive, not using disparaging terms when referring to yourself, treating yourself to things that make you happy. If you don’t actually feel like supporting yourself, this is a time to act as if.

If you are raising a Child, they will mirror how you treat yourself, thus learning how to be their own best friend. You can also be your Child’s best friend until they have those relationships in their own lives and/or can provide themselves with an inner best friend. Pay attention to when it is time for you to let go. 

Feeling lonely is not necessarily bad for the Child and Child Self, yet we are told by our culture that this is something not safe to feel. As we experience life, humans are both deeply connected to each other and also deeply separate. Feelings of loneliness can be challenging to understand and to figure out what help you need and how to get it. Finding Helpers of all kinds for support during feelings of loneliness, including the natural world, are ways to take off the edge of existential loneliness. 

Remember to be careful not to project your feelings onto your child. Your Adult Self and your Child Self may be lonely, but the Child you are raising may just be alone, they may prefer it, and not suffer from it. 

The key is not to blame your Adult Self or Child Self for your loneliness and to help the Child refrain from blaming themselves. When we blame ourselves for loneliness, we can experience reactions like those resulting from trauma—fleeing and freezing. 

To our Child and Child Self, we can say. 

“Little one, I think you are lonely, I am trying to figure that out. If you are feeling this way, I want you to know you did not do anything wrong, it is not your fault. I am here for you. That is all I can say, it is ok to feel what you feel.”

Past Life 

Past life

compounded by, 

and in,

now life.

Loneliness:

who left, who betrayed 

enough in this life 

to fill that cup?

Terror:

that’s a burning smell, 

that’s a human sacrifice

to other’s fears.

Frozenness: 

keep moving because if caught then punished, 

or freeze like the prey on

the plains, 

freeze so they won’t notice.

To go unnoticed 

to be silent

may mean a form 

of safety

but it is also 

loneliness. 

©D'vorah Horn 2025. We invite you to share this work, but please do not copy any portion without attribution to D'vorah Horn.